I have a session coming up shortly on Effective Influence so I’ve been doing some reading. I came across an article titled ‘Psychological tricks to manipulate people’. The title made me uncomfortable. Whether you are a high powered Negotiator, work in Sales, provide Customer Service or you simply need to persuade others I feel there’s an important point to be made here.

To be successful in any of these roles your aim should be more ‘partner than adversary’. Increasingly rare is the ‘one-off deal’ these days; in business or in life. Success is built on the establishment of a series of sound, trusting and mutually beneficial relationships.

YOU DO NOT WANT TO MANIPULATE PEOPLE.

If someone feels they are ‘being manipulated or tricked’ they will actively seek alternatives. Our objective and general approach should be to ‘work with’ rather than ‘fight or hoodwink’….

Other specific recommendations for good influence or negotiations include:

• Be pleasant, smile.
• Start with something positive. Then get to the point, the intended purpose of the conversation.
• Approach people with a receptive and open mind. If or when there is disagreement put yourself in their position.
• Let them know right from the start how they can benefit from this negotiation by describing the positive results (your ‘unique selling points’) to them.
• Listen closely, ask good open and probing questions, show them you listened by explaining what you have learnt from their comments or objections.
• Don’t stubbornly insist on your individual terms or needs but demonstrate that you are sincerely interested in a solution that meets the expectations of both sides.
• Make concessions. However, be clear which concessions could compromise your goals. Stand by your principles. Be willing to walk away.
• Avoid negotiations where both parties are looking for ‘big wins’. Prepare by making sure in advance that there is reasonable potential for a deal and therefore a good atmosphere for the conversation.
• Accept that we are all self-centered by nature. This helps you to respect opinions and feelings of others.
• Do not pretend, do not play games, be the way you are. Authenticity is key.

“My father said: You must never try to make all the money that’s in a deal. Let the other fellow make some money too, because if you have a reputation for always making all the money, you won’t have many deals.” – J. Paul Getty

Tricks may work well for magicians. But when people feel they’ve been tricked they often magically disappear.