Listening Self Test:

• Do you check your smart phone for texts/emails/face book updates during a conversation?
• Do you interrupt?
• Do you formulate a reply while the person is still speaking?
• Do you finish the person’s sentence for her?
• Are you busy doing something else while someone is speaking?
• Are you fully present or are you thinking about the weekend or the tasks on your to-do list?
• Are you focused on having an answer?

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, you’re not alone. Many people listen this way. First step to improve is be aware of how you present yourself in conversation and then focus on improving your listening skills.

Here’s how:

• Make / take time for the person/conversation. And if you can’t do that, tell them and offer to meet later.
• Be open minded – don’t prejudge. Just because you know the person well doesn’t mean you know exactly what they want or mean.
• Don’t interrupt. Break that habit.
• Paraphrase – put their message in your words and ask ‘is that right?’
• Question – open questions work really well. Use probing and follow up questions as necessary.
• Use silence – Don’t always rush in with your answer / idea / suggestion – often the speaker will fill that silence with more (useful) information
• Reflect underlying feelings / message (read between the lines). This is very high level Listening. You must always pose the question “am I right?”  when you suggest what you think is their underlying message or feeling.