Question: Running my own plumbing business for quite some time – last summer I joined forces and took on a partner. It was a good way to boost capacity, he brought some good new contacts and business and I also felt I had been a one man band for long enough. While in the main the new partnership has worked well – and of course we are incredibly busy these days – a good complaint – the problem is I find him to be uncooperative. He seems to think every request is an imposition, that he’s much busier than me and that his priorities always come first. And on one occasion he was quite aggressive or rude in telling me what he thought. While he did apologise later and explained it away with ‘under a lot of stress etc’ I have found it increasingly difficult to approach him, we are regularly arguing and I will try any alternative at this stage to improve things. Sam

Answer: Look Sam you are partners, you are also mature adult professionals. So you need to behave as such – both of you. Don’t avoid the issue, sweep it under the carpet, or pussy foot around trying not to upset him. Here’s list of specific steps you have got to consider:

1.  Look at how you operate. You worked alone for some time; maybe you’ve developed some idiosyncrasies of your own. Ask yourself how easy it is to work with you? Are you cooperative…patient…responsive? Honestly!
2. When you need something don’t offer a long list of reasons why they should change or do what you want. Simply tell them what needs to be done and why. The more you justify or argue the more they may resist. You will be wasting time and energy.
3  If your partner is being very critical, silently take note of what is being said, then consider taking a ‘time-out’ to consider or read the notes back  – after that you will be in a much better position and frame of mind to communicate constructively. Otherwise the temptation is to defend or maybe even attack.
4 Practice making statements e.g. ‘Unless this is a major problem for you, I’m going to do X’
5.  Try the odd specific compliment e.g. ‘I like the way you followed up with XYZ  with that phone call to check were there any further leaks, that was good service’. It will make him less defensive.
6.  If you are in the midst of a heated discussion excuse yourself for a minute to go to the toilet instead of escalating the argument.
7.  Count to 10 (maybe 10,000) instead of rushing into a conflict – especially if you are feeling somewhat annoyed.

An American Philosopher called William James once said:  “Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”

So, Sam how is your Attitude? It is much easier to change yourself and your behaviour than it is to change your Partner. Obviously by changing yourself your hope or aim is that they will reciprocate.

Interesting isn’t it how much of the above advice applies to all sorts of partnerships?!